Brian Alden
(1959-2005)
Memorial website in the memory of your loved one
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Valentine's Day, Stardust & Comets 2011
The latest news about Stardust gave me a reason to smile today.
Stardust will encounter Comet Tempel 1 today.

Here's a recap on the other Stardust story that made me smile.

Stardust Memories...Returns to earth JAN 2006

STARDUST CAPSULE RETURNS

I AM SO EXCITED....YES ME EXCITED

Hi friends I am actually so excited about the oddest thing.
Stardust Capsule is due to land back on Earth this coming Sun Jan 15.
Here is why it excites me.
Brian was so into space travel & all the wonders of the universe. He wanted to go into space so very bad.
So one of my "peaceful" thoughts since his death is that he now can do this. When I talk out loud to him I am always asking him about the wonders of the universe...asking him what he is seeing etc. I even tease him about the last few nights & not having any stars out. Told him to give them back.
OK...to the finer points of my excitement. Stardust Capsule is expected to plummet back to Utah.
The brightest spot will be over Carlin Nevada.
It is just outside Carlin Nevada that Brian took his life. And Utah holds so many special memories for us.
Call me silly but I am just in awe that the brightest spot will be over Carlin. I just know that comet dust will trickle down & land on where he died. Comet dust from the beginning of time.
When I read that I felt such a tug on my heart....that it's some kind of sign from Brian. (I know we can take anything we want as signs...)
A funny part of sharing this with some friends is how we all thought the same thing...we could picture riding that capsule in fine cowboy form....doing some yeeeeeee hawwwwwwws.

Oh Honey I love & miss you so much.
Always Your Vicki
 
1959
Brian was born in Toronto, Ontario, Canada on April 18, 1959.
 
1965
In 1965, Brian was adopted by the Aldens. 

This was not a happy event in Brian's life. 
The mother was an abusive alcoholic. 
Brian was her target. 

The family also adopted 2 other children, Christine & Ted.

 
1996 Brian meets a blonde truck driver
Brian meets a blonde truck driver ...ME
I started driving for the same company he'd been at for years. 
Only problem was, I didn't want to meet or talk to any of the guys there.  I just wanted to do my job. 
We ran into eachother coming & going from time to time. 
He was lucky to get a hello out of me. 
He didn't give up. 

I left the company to drive for another in 1998. 
I was coming home from California....he was on his way to California. 
I missed the exit ramp to the truck stop I wanted. 
Brian was there using the puter kiosk to talk to his sons. 

He came out of the truck stop & seen me sitting in my truck. 
He stood there yakking at me...finally I told him to hop up. 
We sat there & talked for hours. 
We agreed to meet for coffee in the morning. 

Time went on. I still would not date him even though I thought he was a great guy. 
He ended up leaving his company & coming to work where I did...just so we could run into each other more often. 
He bugged, pleaded & whined for me to run team with him...
(Brian are you reading this?   ROFL)  Well, he did!!!
I think he bribed dispatch to give me rotten runs. 
I finally said YES to it all. 
We were know dating...working together & in-seperable. 
The first time we spent any time apart was Dec 26 - Dec 31, 1999. 
I was so sick, I had to stay home from our run. 
But he promised me he'd be home to bring in 2000 with me. 
He did. WOW...5 day turn to California alone. 

That was just us. We loved being together.
 
2003 The Reunion with Brian's biological sisters.
What a happy time. 
Brian had been looking for his family for years. He knew he had one sister & a brother. 
He was able to locate his sister, Hestor. Then we found out he had another sister, Elizabeth. 
We never found his brother.

Everyone came here....what a joyous reunion. 









 
April 25-27, 2005 The Monster Came

My mind's eye can see you so clearly. I want to reach out & touch you. ...hold you...feel your arms around me. ...have you kiss my neck.
What do I do with this ache?
Our last sweet words to eachother were "I love you". I will forever be grateful for that.
Then you slipped away into a darkness of no return. You walked through the door of despair to never come back to me again. 

I have searched my mind time & time again for signs. Gone over ever conversation we had. I know it wasn't me or us. It was a monster inside of you that won....but my loss was so great. Your loss was your life. 

Monday April 25/05

On Apr 25/05, at 4:30 pm, we had one of our many phone conversations. I knew you were feeling depressed.
I was so ill with pneunomia. You were checking on me alot. We talked....I told you the news of yet another creditor after us. I recall saying "I don't need this shit". I meant that I didn't need her bugging me when I was so ill. Now I wish I could take back those words so you could not take them wrong.
We finished talking...but you sounded so down.
Our call ended with "I love you"

I never heard from you again that day. I was trying to sleep & get better...so time slipped away with me.
But the monster came after you while I slept. 

Tuesday April 26/05

The next day around noon, I tried getting you on the cell. No luck. I figured you were sleeping or in having a shower at the truckstop. I tried again when you never called back. Things started to not feel right then.
We always talked...several times a day.
Around 4pm, I was getting very upset. I left a message telling you I was going to call work.
I was hoping that would pull you out of your funk & you'd call me so others wouldn't be in our business.
We have always been so private
No luck...work didn't want to take me serious that something was wrong.
They figured you were mad at me. That made me mad. They didn't know us. No matter what we always talked. You may have been grumpy but we always talked.

I had to talk to someone. I went to our message board. I started a post called "I need help worrying"
That was at 4:45 pm Tues afternoon. the 26th. Friends started talking to me. Giving me logical reasons why you hadn't called. I wasn't buying any of them. They don't know how we worked. How you would have stopped somewhere to call me if the cell was dead or broken. You would have moved mountains to call me if you could.
You couldn't....the monster was entertaining you. Luring you. Taunting you. Telling you all would be well.

In the next 4 hours work finally started to take me serious. Something was wrong.
You had even called your delivery that you should have made that morning in San franciso.
You hadn't fueled in Reno. No sign of you. The satelite was showing our truck in Carlin NV.
I got the state police to do a check. No sign of the truck.
By then all kinds of things were going through my mind.
Your anger at the world! Had you finally ticked someone off & they beat you up?
No, the monster had you. Luring you deeper & deeper. Soothing you with peaceful dreams.

The police came here around 9pm. They wanted a picture of you & your tattoo. It was going out on the wire. You were officially missing.
Where can you hide 75 ft of truck.?
Others drivers from our company were looking for you. They knew what our truck looked like. It should have stuck out like a sore thumb.
The monster hid the truck. It was telling you where to go.

Friends kept talking to me on the message board. They never left my side.
The monster never left yours. It was closer to you than they were to me.
I was lost & alone in my fear....trying to push away what my mind was letting me know.

We were always so connected. We always joked about reading eachother's mind.
I knew. I knew the monster had you. But here I was 2500 miles from you. No excuse. I should have been able to find you...pull you back to me.

Friends are still talking...the phone is ringing. It's the police. More questions. They want dental records.
I want you found NOW.

Midnight Molly comes here. I am not alone but I am alone. Alone in the fear that is gripping my heart so bad. Everyone is praying. everyone is trying to be positive.
I know the monster has you. 

Wednesday April 27/05

The night was long. We all stayed on line all night. I couldn't rest.
Ruth got here around noon. Her & Molly wanted to get me out of the house for a break. 
The post "I need some help worrying" had reached over 2300 replies.
Take the cell phone...use call forward. Ok, I let them drag me out.

Coming home, I seen the OPP cars on all the corners. That's odd I thought. I recall that so well. But never thought anymore of it until.....I pulled into our laneway. There were more cars here
I didn't want to get out of the car. They kept saying "Vicki, we have to talk to you"
I kept screaming no. I don't want to hear you.
They made me listen. They made me hear how the monster slashed your wrist & then walk in front of a train at 8:10 that very morning
My nightmare began. Life as I knew it ended. The monster got you.
 
April 27, 2005

Brian took his own life Wednesday April 27, 2005 @ 8:10 AM.

He parked beside a traintrack out in the desert of Nevada. ...near Winnemucca. 
He slashed his wrist then walked out in front of a train. 

That horrible place....





Dale & Cathy placed flowers there for Brian






Internet Article

Humboldt County News Director for KWNA Radio / Sheen Broadcasting

A Canadian man took his own life Wednesday morning in Humboldt County when he stepped in front of a moving train. The man's name is being held pending notification of next of kin.
According to Sgt. Tony Cantwell, of the Humboldt County Sheriff's Office, the man was reported as a missing person on April 26, in Brant County, Ontario, Canada.
Cantwell said the preliminary investigation revealed the man parked his semi truck on the off-ramp of the Interstate 80 Mote exit, which is 46 miles east of Winnemucca, and then made his way to the railroad tracks. Sheriff's Office officials were notified of the incident at approximately 5:15 a.m.
The train did not derail as a result of the incident, and the tracks were only closed for a short time period.
Cantwell said Union Pacific Railroad law enforcement will assist with the investigaiton. The incident remains under investigation and no additional details will be released until an autopsy is complete. 

Sheen Broadcasting, Joyce Sheen






My life was forever changed that moment. 


The person who completes suicide dies once. Those left behind die the death a thousand times.

 
Brian's Memorial Service
We held the service in our gardens here at home. 

Folks started arriving early & in small groups which made it easier.
About 11 am, I got a call from Dale & Cathy telling me they were back on Canadian soil and would be here about 2:30.
Kaitie & her mom got here early....telling her the truth was so very hard. Her & Grampa were great buddies.
But we had to tell her..so she wouldn't over hear it. (Did not give her details) But wanted her to know that none of us understand & yes we
are mad at him, but still love him very much.

The other trucks started coming in & lining the road...The purr of a diesel engine used to make my heart happy, but yesterday it did not.
I knew I had to brace myself for our truck to come home.

Molly (Marshberry) is my rock....that lady can organize under pressure like nobody I have ever seen.
She had her notes all ready & was giving them out...
We knew we would not start until Brina was home.

I don't think there was a dry eye when Dale came into the yard....the engine was turned off....
and Dale & Cathy brought me my Brian. They also gave me his wedding band & the keys to our truck so it wouldn't be misplaced.
The 2 of them took me inside to have some time with Brian......
Kaitie then came in.....along with the rest of the family, his 2 sons, 3 sisters, 1 brother & SIL.
We all said our good byes...and I asked them to leave except Kaitie.
When Kaitie & I walked out...Molly announced that Brian has come home to Vicki. 

My Uncle Melvin lead us through prayers.. and spoke of how Brian was with our family. How he was there for my Mom last year.
And how happy they were that Brian had brought so much happiness into my life.

Molly took over again & was able to share so many Brian stories....and asking others to share also.
We had many a good laugh...especially when she told everyone about how she was riding in the truck last year going to MN get together....I just had to pipe up & tell her she was getting us into trouble since all of MSM management was there & she hadn't signed a waiver...

Many of the poems & words from the board where read by different folks....they all touched me so very much..SO YOU WERE ALL THERE...
We were all just very casual sitting around in lawn chairs...Kaitie holding my hand...and Kennygirl (Linda) holding the other.
But the spirit of all of you was with me.
The whole time I kept looking to the sky for my hawk....he did not show. But during the service our swallows came back. The pair of them just flew over us the whole time (no droppings either)
Brian loved the swallows of the small birds the most....because of their iridescent colors. We have spent many hours just sitting watching them in one of the birdhouses I had made & painted...with a heart for the opening.

It was getting time to wind down.....Kaitie & I released the balloons. We were out in the open field beside us...not looking at anyone behind us. When I finally turned around everyone had been watching as they soared higher & higher...
I wished my love & beautiful flight...that he may always soar & his heart be free.


I really didn't want anyone in the truck, but his brother asked if he could blown the air horn one final time....I had to say yes...it was the right thing to do...
All the other drivers went to their trucks....they let Ted do 3 long mournful final honks.....then all the other trucks did one long so very sad farewell blow of their airhorns.
I said a rock would have wept hearing that.

There were so many stories yesterday I can't begin to remember them all. I need to get them written down.
But the one that stands out in my mind the most was from the funeral director of Mom's funeral. Brian & I had become pretty good friends with Dale & Lori during Mom's funeral & after....they both love to ride bikes too but not HARLEYS
They promised me that they would get back out soon to take me for a ride....I burst out laughing & said that we would be struck by lightning if I got on anything but a Harley. We just laughed & laughed. I was waiting for a lightning bolt to come down at any moment just even talking about it.

The ex had the nerve to show up.....she was warned to stay away from me. I let her stay & was a good girl.
Troy on the other hand had to push me....just wouldn't stay away from me. I didn't yell or scream, but had to tell him how he had been breaking his Dad's heart. I could not let it go unsaid. I felt I owed Brian that much. I knew the pain Brian was feeling over how his son has been for almost 2 yrs now
I was glad there were witnesses to what was said. 
As long as I live, I won't be able to forget the torment that the ex & son did to Brian.

 
Nov 2, 2006....Hey Grampa wonderful news from Clayton
Honey, I got a wonderful surprise today. ....
an email from Clayton. It's the first I heard from him since your service. 
We're going to be grandparents. 
He came down to the house a few days after that for a visit. 
It was great that we talked. We both said we missed eachother. 
He promised I'd be seeing the baby. 
Hearing from him & his news really lifted my spirits. 
I felt sad that you wouldn't be here for the birth of Clayton's son though. 


Here's what he said:

Hi Vicki

It's been a year and a half since i last spoke to you, my mind wasn't able to move on after dad's death so i cut my self off from everyone who reminded me of dad. but now i have found the help to move on so i write to you now.

for starters i am engaged her name is Andrea and we have been dating for about a year, without her i couldn't have moved on with my life,
secondly i graduated collage with honours, and am now completing my
carpenter apprenticeship with my uncle Gord. Finally i'm going to be a father to a wonderful son, we're going to name him brian, he is due in April.

I would like to ask you a question, this would really mean a lot to
me, and help me to move on. I would like to know if i could have dad's 2 chess sets, one is wooden and was his fathers, the other i ig and has stone and jade pieces, both have great sentimental value to me as dad was
the one who taught me to play chess. the other thing i would like is the sock monkey that dad had, as a small kid it was my favourite stuffed animal, i would love to have it for my son.

well that's all i have to say for now. Hope to hear from you

talk to you later

Clayton M. Alden
 
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